I wonder...

- Why people find it necessary to call me names
- Why it's so damn hard to not gossip about me
- Why - for goodness' sake - people are scared of me
- Why it's so hard to accept me.

Among many, many other things.
There is something that people don't seem to get about me. I look "gothic" - well, different, in any case. Granted. But I don't eat babies for breakfast, and I don't kill people with a single look (that's what Basilisks are for).
The strange thing is...
Once people get over their reluctance/distaste/fear/whateverthehell it may be of me, they start asking me questions and talking about me. And then - or so I've heard - they start to wonder if I'm really all that scary. And they start telling my brother how nice I actually am.

What bothers me most is that no one has ever bothered to find that out, no matter how hard I have tried every year.
It is true that I don't look like someone you'd start a casual conversation with. I must say that this is not my fault. I have had people asking  me what I was like, and I'd ask back: "Me with people I like, or me with people I don't care about?"
So extreme was the difference.
When I'm with people I don't care about (no, I don't dislike them, I just don't give a damn), I'm quiet, always the loner and very much uninterested in what is going on around me.
When I'm with people I like, or with friends, more specifically, I turn into someone talkative with a big, big smile.

I've been trying to change that, and I think it's going pretty well. Not everyone reacts any differently from before, but here's something.

The other day, I was doing shopping, I needed new writing paper and ink. I've started smiling at people I catch staring at me, and most of the time they turn away ashamed, but some smile back after a few seconds. That makes me happy.
The lady behind the cash register said I was looking pretty as always. I smiled and thanked her for the compliment, and she noted that she admired how I wear what I like.
She made my day.

Today is not going very well. I feel tired and lonely, my Viking is out with friends, and there is only a cold bed waiting for me. There's also an infection somewhere around my jaw that has been giving me sleeping problems for the past week. The doctor finally gave me medication for it and I hope I'll be able to sleep for a full night.

I've started on an idea I had for a present for my mother - I wanted a special box for Belgian chocolates I wanted to give her. I'm lining the box and covering it with crushed velvet and pearls - I'll make sure to take photographs and show the end result on here!

Sorry for the rant, I had to get this off my mind. There's more, but I shall not bother you with that. Thank you.